Constellations according to Hellinger
&
Some reflections on the overall development of the Constellations field
Alemka Dauskardt
Introduction
As we commemorate three years since Bert Hellinger’s passing, it seems timely to reflect on some developments in the field of constellations. This feels particularly appropriate for the last issue of this journal under the editing hand of Barbara Morgan, who has done an amazing job in holding the space for the overall development of the field, and in particular for the promotion and preservation of the Constellations according to Hellinger. This only feeds this sense that much is coming to an end these days and that a new era, in so many ways, is upon us.
In this text I try to explain why I use this name: ‘Constellations according to Hellinger’ and why I believe Hellinger’s approach, in its many changing forms, is worth preserving. I attempt to describe briefly the nature of this approach and argue that most of the constellating field has developed away from its essence. I express some concern that the original approach is being watered down, forgotten, and not passed on to the new generations who come to this work because many are adding their ‘own spin’ by adjusting the original. I explain why I trust in the value of preservation of the original Hellinger approach, and in the possibility of continuing to practise it and teach it, each one of us in our own way, and how continuing to learn directly from Bert and leaning on his teachings supports me in my practice. This article by no means claims to be an exhaustive or objective overview, offering only some reflections from my personal perspective.
Why the name ‘Constellations according to Hellinger’?
For me, all constellations are constellations according to Hellinger, because it is clear that without Hellinger there would be no constellation approach. There is no agreement though on what seems to me to be, the basic fact. It is often emphasised that Hellinger ‘stands on the shoulders of many’ who have developed different modes of psychotherapy he was familiar with and learned from. This emphasis is then used to view Hellinger as just one of many therapists, and constellations as just another form of therapy. This doesn’t do justice to the uniqueness and specialness of this approach which did not simply arise from previous developments, but offered something essentially new to the field of professional help, and by the scope of its impact over time, has outgrown the boundaries of the entire psychotherapy field.
At times, the enormity of Bert’s contribution is relativised by asserting that others have also contributed to the development of the constellation approach, especially other colleagues and contemporaries of Hellinger’s. However significant these contributions may be, none can match the significance, the importance and the impact of Bert’s insights, teachings and methodology. Still, the contemporary constellating field is dominated by those who claim they have adjusted, further developed and improved on Hellinger’s original approach.
Relativising Bert’s contribution happens in other ways, too. Sometimes it is argued that Bert received his insights directly through his contact with the Zulu people, essentially implying that they come from their indigenous belief system. It is a widespread belief that Zulu tradition is one of the origins of Constellation approach, even though Hellinger explicitly said many times that the Zulu people did not have much to do with his development of Family Constellations.
“QUESTION: One hears the basic ideas for systemic family constellations developed in you during your time as a missionary with the Zulus, who in turn found solutions about problems concerning their ancestors. Could you describe this for us?
HELLINGER: This is often assumed and I have to make a statement about that again and again. The time in South Africa was a very enriching personal experience for me, but it has nothing to do with this method.”(Hellinger, 2012)
There is a lot of similarity between Hellinger’s insights compiled into the comprehensive body of knowledge on human relationships – Hellinger Sciencia – and the knowledge contained in traditional knowledge of many different indigenous tribes, cultures and practices all over the world. But that is not because they took it from each other, but because they all relate to the same forces and principles guiding our existence; they all tapped into the same source. That same source, which gives rise to many things, and to everything we know, has been referred to differently in different traditions as the Great Spirit or Dharma, the Dao, or as Hellinger called it, the Spirit-Mind.
So, the name ‘Constellations according to Hellinger’ is to acknowledge the originality of this approach, which brought something essentially new to the field of therapy and professional help, and in the process outgrew the boundaries of this field. It is also in recognition that even though it shares much with the ancient knowledge of the indigenous cultures, it is a contemporary approach for a contemporary man, that puts us in touch with that which is essential, universal, healing and reconciling, in a way that is understandable and easier to relate to for those who were brought up within the Western civilisation paradigm.
But most of all, this name is to distinguish Hellinger’s original approach from all other Constellation Work that is offered these days under different names; adjusted, combined with other methods and having abandoned some or most of the essential aspects of this approach like: knowledge of systemic orders, spirituality, phenomenological inquiry, insights on the role of conscience, acknowledging what is, and reverence for life as it came to us through our parents. As the time goes by, we are moving further and further away from the original, with many reasons given to justify this trend.
The Beginnings, Developments & Current Situation
I remember the time when we started encountering Constellations for the first time, when they were new and exciting; when they “blew our minds”; when Hellinger’s words were a fountain we all drank from; when we treated the work with reverence and awe; sensing the sacred knowledge it contains and conveys. For me this happened in the nineties in Australia, when some therapists, especially in Germany, who were already familiar with Constellations, started learning and were applying them in their work settings.
I remember the time of the first international intensive at ZIST in 2001, with Bert as the head of the teaching faculty: a hundred souls gathering from all over the world being fascinated and eager to learn more. It was a time of great enthusiasm, which I see repeatedly awakened in those who encounter the work for the first time.
I remember the founding assembly of the first International Systemic Constellations Association in 2007, still with a lot of enthusiasm, but the crack in the field was already there, which in the years to follow would only become bigger. There and then, the field was split into two camps. Over the years one camp, with many off-shoots, gained momentum and continued to dominate.
The distancing from Hellinger started with the outcry from the German public who ill-understood his teachings on conscience as a mere excuse for the bad deeds of the past, and continued with the attacks from the ranks of psychotherapists in particular, accusing him of failing to comply with the ethical practices of this profession. The departure from Hellinger was continued by his closest colleagues and the Boards of newly formed constellation associations publicly distancing themselves from him through open letters. This trend only grew stronger with time, as the gap between the original teachings and the practice of all those who learned from him kept growing. Bert Hellinger’s physical departure did not change much in this overall trend. If anything, it offered a possibility of ‘different camps’ coming together on some different plain.
In the meantime, constellations are spreading more and more – the days of them being an obscure approach hardly anyone knew about, are long gone. There are many offering this work around the globe and vast opportunities for those who wish to address some burning personal question of theirs through Constellations to do so. There are many trainings being offered, many constellation schools which have sprung up. Constellations have even made it to Academia, and to the educational and legal systems of some countries. A huge number of books have been written in many different languages and a very popular TV series has been made with Constellations as its focus: Another Self (screening on Netflix in 2022), popularising Constellations big time!
The Covid measures saw the somewhat forced switch to online work, which made it even more accessible. The energetic, informational aspect of this work, which to a large degree happens outside of the space-time dimension, fitting like a duck to water with the new ways of being and connecting is being assisted by new technologies.
These are all incredible developments which we could only have dreamt of a few decades ago. But, with increasing numbers of new people being drawn to Constellations, there is also an increasing number of students and practitioners of Family Constellations who have never seen Bert’s work in person and who don’t really know what his original teachings are. As we move further away from the source, it is as if the work gets modified by every student-come-teacher and in some ways diluted, losing the power of the original method. There is much creativity in the incredible variety of applications and a lot of useful work is obviously being done, all adding to the whole. Whilst it may be true that there is richness in everyone applying the method differently, in many cases we can hardly talk about Hellinger’s Constellations any more.
At the international constellation conferences being organised these days, which attract many presenters eager to share their ways, there is hardly any mention of Hellinger’s name. It is not only about the name, of course, it is about the essence of this approach which is simply not there in much of what is offered today as ‘Constellations’.
The constellation associations we form all have these wonderfully-worded missions in their brief, and often a genuine desire to create something for the benefit of all, but are equally limited by our personal Ego goals and some of them are in constant turmoil. In the state of conflict, they are pressed to reconcile the personal and very earthly ambitions of individuals with the sacred knowledge and technologies we encounter in Constellations. What these associations seem to have in common is also their need to distance themselves from Hellinger, or rather it seems that they could only be formed as a part of this distancing.
‘HellingerSciencia’, the organisation founded by Bert and Sophie Hellinger, now seems to be exclusively based on the work and teachings of Sophie Hellinger. Presenting this to be ‘the original Hellinger approach’, there is little effort made to emphasise Bert’s teachings and insights, as now they have all been integrated, so it is claimed, into the work of his widow. There is not much of Bert’s original writings and insights being referred to on what used to be his website.
The publishing house ‘Hellinger’s Publications’ has been closed down and even though there are still a number of books by Hellinger being sold through the website, many titles are no longer available. There does not seem to be much effort made to republish or promote Hellinger’s books, most of them being a real treasure trove of far-reaching insights. Further to that, the publishing of Bert Hellinger’s titles in different languages has been limited. The publishing rights for translated titles don’t seem to be given any more. This presents a real obstacle to the spreading of Bert’s words and insights.
Not only for that reason but overall, it seems that the original Hellinger texts are not studied much, and also that there are not many trainings that include his basic insights and teachings which the Family Constellation method rests upon! Even though there may be legal inheritors of Hellinger’s assets and publishing rights, no one can claim exclusive rights to his teachings. They belong to everyone, and need to be shared freely, for the benefit of future generations.
If people have no access to Bert’s words, they make them up! There is a worrying practice on social media of falsifying Hellinger, some sentimental words or other on love or life, which trivialise his teaching and which never would have come from Bert, are being broadcast in his name. Hellinger’s name still sells any words well, so it seems, but his real words are not really popular with that many.
Training, quality control, accreditation and further professionalisation of Constellations
Most of the newcomers to the work do not even know what constellations according to Hellinger really are. And among experienced practitioners, his name and his constellations are not often mentioned, as most are promoting their own name and their own way of doing constellations. In many constellation trainings offered, Hellinger’s insights about the orders of love and his phenomenological method of acquiring these insights are not being included as part of the curriculum.
The very way in which we approach learning and teaching constellations does not honour the nature of knowledge we touch upon through constellations, treating it as some matter that can be learned in a certain number of days, that can be taught during a short period of time, not connected to the individual rhythm of students and their own stage on the path of personal and spiritual development. In claiming that constellations can be taught and learned this way, we imply that it is just another method that we can be trained in and acquire easily, and not a challenging path of deep spiritual learnings which cannot be mastered through our usual methods of learning, and can also not be certified, regulated, judged or controlled by some outside authority.
But still, there is a pressure to go in this direction. The issue of quality control, supervision, ethical consideration, regulation of who can practice, international certification, accreditation and the like continue to be brought up on to the constellators’ agenda. The calls for this come from different directions and with different motivation, but all sharing the same renunciation of the nature of Hellinger’s approach and the spirit in which it can be learned and practised, as none of these ideas were ever a part of this approach, nor can they be applied to it. All our attempts to somehow control Constellation Work are doomed to fail as, of course, they are only futile attempts to control – from our Ego space – something much bigger than us.
Psychological Theory, Psychotherapy or Spiritual Discipline
It is clear that there is no consensus among constellators on what a constellation approach fundamentally is and so those using the constellation method do so in a variety of frameworks, ranging from a scientific, materialistic approach of constellations as therapy to constellations as business and a career path, to constellations as a spiritual discipline and a path of spiritual growth. It is true that we don’t know what really happens during a constellation process and how exactly it is helpful, neither can we fully explain the phenomenon of representative perception. Much of this process remains a mystery, as does a large part of our existence, the nature of consciousness and the nature of reality in general. Many who came to know Constellations through Hellinger continued to use the method (setting up representatives) without adhering to his teaching, claiming that it was not necessary and that the phenomenon of representative perception could be explained and used in ways different from those of Hellinger’s.
There is a tendency in a big part of the constellators’ scene to reduce all the systemic insights of Hellinger’s to inner parts only, alleging that in constellations we deal only with our own individual inner images of the world around us, reducing the systemics of his teachings to intra-psychic systemic dynamics alone. The new schools of constellations have been formed around such an approach, placing constellations within a framework of yet another psychological theory, explaining the phenomenon of representative perception as resonating with the unconscious psychological processes of others, and in doing so, disposing altogether of the notion of the ‘knowing field’, and the information that comes through it as guiding the work. Such an approach leaves out a great deal of the possible application of this work to transgenerational healing, ancestral support and reconciliation between groups.
Even though Bert has related many times that constellations have left the field of psychotherapy within which they originally developed and that this framework no longer provides a useful reference point for the practice of constellations, many constellators who come from this professional background, continue to practice Constellations by trying to squeeze them into this framework. In doing so, much of what forms the basis of Hellinger’s approach has to be left out, modified, adjusted, so that it fits into the accepted parameters of the psychotherapy profession.
“The foundation of family constellations is that the family constellators knowthey are in the service of a reality that breaks through to the light. So, they are not doers who initiate something on their own accord and they do not want to achieve a particular outcome. They know, only in respectful and alert restraint can they facilitate the coming to light of something hidden. What comes to light is what has the effect. When the therapist or the constellator – therapist is no longer a suitable term, because family constellations are a general human movement, a philosophical movement that has moved far beyond psychotherapy – So, nothing bad will happen where the constellator has the courage, firstly to expose him/herself to what shows itself, and secondly to say it, and thirdly, to expect the client to have the strength to look at it, for reality cannot do harm. The fear of facing reality can do harm, for at that moment something is suppressed into the subconscious. It is there where it has harmful effects. Therefore, constellators cannot really harm anyone, provided they stick to the protocol. This means calmly waiting in restraint until something comes to light. As something comes to light, it can also remain, exactly as it is, without being diminished, without restrictions, in its full impact. In this moment a constellator behaves as someone who is in the service of a greater matter. And s/he expects of the participant that s/he is an adult, this means looking one’s own reality in the eye.”(Hellinger, 2011)
Comments related to apparently harming interventions of Hellinger’s, surface regularly on the internet forums and his supposedly “harsh and authoritarian attitude” has been a focus of ongoing criticism. Often those who express these concerns pose as better, more caring, more professional, competent constellators and use these criticisms to promote their way of facilitating constellations which is “not harming people the way Hellinger’s constellations did”. As mentioned before, much of these sentiments come from the psychotherapy field, with a completely different paradigm of professional help and with a completely different conscience.
“I have the radical view that nobody can harm a client, as long as they remain in the attitude and in the position: I help to bring something to light that the client set up herself, and I let it have its effect on the client. In that moment the client faces her reality. The therapist or the constellator does not need to face it as if it was something of their own, it has been handed to the client. This forces the client to behave like an adult. So, all these ideas of working through something and follow-up have nothing to do with family constellations. These are foreign elements from other therapies that are brought into family constellations. To resist this demands great courage, great restraint, and utmost humility.”(Hellinger, 2011)
If we want to practise Constellations within a psychotherapy framework, then the phenomenology of Hellinger’s approach, the very basis for his constellation method through which he arrived at most of his insights, also has to go. Stepping blindly into the information Field, after much personal purification of reason, will, emotion, expectation, planning and intention, opening oneself up to whatever may come, without fear, yet humbly allowing ourselves to be guided and to just observe and listen to the language of the soul – this is not everyone’s cup of tea, and not easily learned, practised or certified.
“In constellations work, in my constellations work, I approach the client’s issue in this attitude of exposing myself without intentions, without ideas, without fear, without love in the sense of ‘Oh I must do something for you.’ This has had the result that I have to do less and less, in order to reach the result the client needs.”(Hellinger, 2011)
To practice Constellations according to Hellinger requires of us to abandon the accepted conscience of our reference groups, be that a group of professional psychotherapists, a group of professional helpers, a group of humanitarians or any other group based on values, beliefs and ideologies, or based on belonging to our respective national, ethnic, racial and other groups.
“Much of the criticism of family constellations demands of us that we fall back into the fetters of our conscience. It is directed against a movement that allows us to go beyond the boundaries of conscience, to look at a greater whole. Our conscience wants to prevent us from acknowledging the contradictions, or what opposes each other, as equals on a higher level, such as perpetrators and victims, or this group and that group, or this religion and that religion. This can only be done by those who have grown beyond the boundaries of their own conscience. This is a special personal achievement. Only those who have achieved it, can really bring about reconciliation.”(Hellinger, 2011)
The recognition of the spiritual dimension is a hallmark of constellations as developed and taught by Bert Hellinger, followed by many, and also a point of departure from his approach by others. In recognition of this dimension lies the crucial difference between constellations and other related approaches, like psychodrama or family sculpting and it also differentiates Constellations according to Hellinger from other approaches of individual constellators or constellation schools.
“In spiritual family constellations the helping in the usual sense comes to an end, for helping lies in the hands of the creative spirit with whom we come into accord. Therefore, when a constellation does not move any further, when we break it off, the movement of the spirit, the healing movement continues. In such a situation we might want to take things into our hands, against the movement of the spirit, because we are determined to produce a good resolution, the way we and other participants want it. This can be dangerous for us. Here, everything takes a different course than what we are familiar with.
So, the constellation leaders remain fully in accord with this movement, without wishes of their own, only in the service of a greater movement.
After a while we get used to the experience that the movements of the spirit are different from what we imagined them to be. There can be nothing wrong for these movements. Whichever way someone behaves, whether we agree to it or not, the spirit agrees to their movements. Even if a person sometimes has to go deep down before rising to heights. After some time we know ourselves fully in accord with everything as it is. This is what the movement of the spirit shows us. It is in accord with everything as it is ‒ because it comes from it.”3
The spiritual aspect in Hellinger’s constellations is reflected, among others, in the acknowledgement of the forces bigger than us, the awareness that the success of the constellation process depends on these forces rather than on a facilitator, relying on the information that comes to us from the informational field in the process of phenomenological inquiry, and seeing the phenomenon of representative perception as the process of receiving in-formation from that field. It is further reflected in the knowledge about systemic orders, ‘orders of love’, which regulate our relationships, also in the concept of destiny as a common fate we share with others from our systems and communing with our ancestors and other dead.
Hellinger’s spiritual approach has in parts of the Constellating field been replaced by relying on mirror neurons to assist us with the inner images of our families and the world around us, viewing constellations to be an intra-psychic exploration, imposing a pre-established structure on the process of a constellation, and explaining the process within a psychological theory of our making. Such approaches also dispose of the ‘Knowing Field’ as the source of information, the possibility of our connecting with ancestors and other departed and treat the loving reconnection with our parents as an illusion that we can reconcile anything from the past. This is often accompanied by placing the power and success of a constellation process with the facilitator and his/her personal power and skill, and who can therefore be called a ‘master facilitator’, this status often being accorded on the basis of the popularity of any given person and their ability to promote themselves better than others.
Attempts to reframe Hellinger’s approach are often accompanied by a wish to stay clear of this ‘metaphysical’ or ‘shamanic’ aspect of the constellation method. Yet, in my experience, it is precisely in these aspects where the power and effectiveness of this approach lie. It is my conviction that we, the constellating field, should not shy away from that which gives constellations its strength, but rather stay at the forefront of the worldview paradigm change which is needed to accommodate the phenomena we encounter in constellations. And that certainly includes the acknowledgement and accommodation of the spiritual aspect, recognising our own spiritual nature and the essentially spiritual nature of the world we inhabit.
Could we and should we stick with Hellinger’s approach?
Some argue that we couldn’t and shouldn’t as this approach keeps developing and because Hellinger himself did explicitly not want that. Some see those who advocate staying with Hellinger’s teachings as sticking with a dogma or classify it pejoratively as guruism.
There is great resistance among constellators to follow a ‘guru’, as if keeping and passing Bert’s teachings on has something to do with being meek and is about some personal adulation of a particular person embodied as Bert Hellinger. ‘Following’ in general, is seen by many in our western worldview as something which has negative connotations, and is taken as a sign of weakness and uncritical submission to authority, without using our own individual (better) judgement. Conversely, displaying individual critical judgement towards everything is generally highly valued. In many eastern traditions or indigenous cultures across the world, there is no problem acknowledging that there are exceptional individuals in their tribe who are the seers, the shamans, those who see further into the spirit world than the others, and everyone follows their advice without question, without thinking about the right to display our own individual critical judgement and opinion. That in fact would be seen as ridiculous!
In Love’s Hidden Symmetry (Hellinger, Weber & Beaumont, 1998) there is an account of Bert being asked: “Did you know that some people think you’re trying to be a guru?” He answered:
“Yes, I’ve been told that before, but I don’t worry about it since I finally have found out what a guru is. During a workshop, the group climbed a mountain to celebrate at a restaurant there. When they got ready to walk home, it was pitch black outside and they couldn’t find the path down. One of them who couldn’t see either, took another’s hand; they made a chain and when they got down safely, they thought he was a guru.” (Hellinger, Weber & Beaumont, 1998)
A popular etymological theory considers the term ‘guru’ to be based on the syllables gu and ru, which it claims stands for ‘darkness’ and ‘light that dispels it’, respectively.5 The guru is seen as the one who “dispels the darkness of ignorance,” a guide to an uncharted territory, not so much a person but a presence, the guidance and the teaching.
If we see Bert Hellinger as such a guide and follow his teachings, we can be taken to this world, take a glimpse at many of the forces that are at work there, and we can understand so much more about this life that we are a part of, which is us. We can do that regardless of the fact that Bert the person is not existing on this plain any more – what difference could it possibly make?
If we see Bert Hellinger as just another therapist who used a particular method, then we are free to dissect his teachings through our critical mind, demand the verification of its usefulness, question it, subject it to analysis based on our materialistic, scientific, objective approach and modify it according to our opinions. Only then we find that what is left of it is not worth following!
And as for the accusations of turning it into a dogma, the essence of Bert’s teaching is exactly that everything is in motion. By staying true to this teaching it doesn’t mean we advocate staying with one set of truths which are fixed and unchanging, but exactly that we understand that the truth is in constant motion, as is also the title of one of Bert’s books and as he explains in the following quote:
“When I look at the developments of family constellations, my own development, and the new insights that some of you report, then it is clear that family constellations are a movement. This means that in family constellations something is in motion and remains in motion. Family constellations remain in motion because we do not tie ourselves down to certain concepts and to what has been achieved up to this point, as if we had found the philosopher’s stone that must be held on to. Therefore, the development of theories is always in motion, always new. For it shows that much of what seemed important some years ago is already outdated and replaced.
How is this possible? It becomes possible through the openness towards what shows itself, and how it shows itself. Recent controversies have perhaps intimidated some of us, so that they no longer trust what shows up in constellations. For instance, when suddenly there are attempts to impose external criteria on us that have nothing to do with family constellations. Then the pressure to conform is felt, which – that is my fear – could slow down family constellations in their forward movement.” (Hellinger, 2011)
So, following constellations according to Hellinger means staying committed to this forward movement, based not on our own ideas, but on the phenomenological insights in the field.
Some still see the departure from Hellinger’s approach as a natural consequence of his passing. But Bert’s knowledge is very much alive and present and could easily be accessed by us – the living – and by subsequent generations, if we kept it alive and if we are open to that. I know that for me personally, Bert continues to be present in the work I do and his teachings guide me through every piece of work, even more so now than when he was alive. I am now able to internalise it better, to make it truly my own, as I allow myself to be the conduit for his teachings and his words. I also notice that Bert’s teachings can pass more easily through me to others – even to those who never met Bert, nor learnt directly from him if I, with my personal identity, stay as invisible as possible and I make myself just a conduit – a tool – an agent in the service of Hellinger’s teachings and, most of all, in the service of that which lies beyond. If by promoting myself I make a strong statement that my individual identity as a constellator is so important, how can I approach the work in a humble and respectful way, with a belief that this work is driven by invisible forces which: “cognise everything into being the way it is,” as Bert taught?
It is in this sense, I believe, that Bert answered the question about how he would best like to be remembered, by saying it is best that he is forgotten. It is him as an individual person, with a particular name, with a particular way of living his physical existence that we should forget about because this is not important. What needs to not be forgotten and must not be forgotten are his insights and his teachings AND that which they are pointing towards. What prevents us from accessing Bert’s teachings is not his passing and the absence of his physical presence, but rather the attitude that we adopt as the ones who are ‘big’ in relation not only to Bert Hellinger, but to the method itself and possibly even in relation to the forces which this method relies upon.
For as long as we have this need to promote our way of working, under our name, whilst at the same time being critical of him, we are drawing attention away from the essence of his teachings, his insights and his life’s work, which he bequeathed to us all, and which we are all equal inheritors and beneficiaries of, if we choose to be so. If due to our personal reactions to the man Hellinger was, we reject or forget his teachings, we will be left only with our own individual identities and our own way of understanding and ‘doing’ the work, which is definitely so much lesser than the promise and possibility offered by and through the original teachings.
“This shows us that family constellations have been taken to a completely different level, to a higher level that demands something from everyone involved, different from what they had imagined. This means, me, the client, the representatives in the constellation, and all those spectators who are taken in, open themselves to this other movement. Then they are independent from me in every regard. They are independent from their expectations and they are led to a higher level.
There is resistance to this new and different movement, it’s obvious. Sometimes this resistance takes on strange forms. I sometimes hear about things on the Internet about my work and me that seem strange to me, for instance, in Russia. At the same time I know what goes on inside these people. Shall I tell you?
All those who continue with family constellations as before are richly given to by me. I am the mother of family constellations. All those who use it received from me. The question is have these people taken everything from their mother? Or do they, after having taken everything from their mother, complain to their mother that she should have been different? Well then, this applies to me, too. In accord with the mothers whom I deeply revere, I agree wholeheartedly. My love remains.” (Hellinger, 2011)
Whatever the developments in the Constellating Field, it all clearly belongs as a part of a bigger picture that we cannot fully fathom or influence, only say “Yes!” to. Like everyone else, I can only make my individual choices and follow these. And I have, and I continue to do so – with love and devotion. For me this is the only way we can ever learn anything, how we can ever arrive anywhere or come closer to the essence of this amazing mystery and wonder that Life is, the wonder that we are.
In the end, and in the very beginning, as Bert taught, everything is in the hands of the Spirit. It was with this awareness that he could weather all the criticism and adulation, that he could let everything be and not worry about the future developments of Constellation Work. Every now and then, he did comment and ponder, but mostly he retained his composure in this regard, void of criticism, with great equanimity of the mystic and a seer, the one with the utmost trust in the hidden forces of creation that work through us all, moving each one of us in a particular way.
“Applying sameness here, too, I say that all who offer family constellations, the “good” and the “bad” are the same as me before something greater. We only need to sense in our soul what effect this has on our strength. How much strength do we have then, to guide it well in a certain humble way, and how much strength do we have when we deviate from this and say: Yes, some are better, others are worse. The most radical consequence that derives naturally out of family constellations would also apply here: I acknowledge that all others are my peers before something greater.” (Hellinger, 2011)
Notes:
Quō vādis? is a Latin phrase meaning “Where are you marching?” It is also commonly translated as: “Where are you going?” or, poetically: “Whither goest thou?”
1. Hellinger (August 2012) ‘Help for the soul in daily life’. Interview by Andrea Brettner for the magazine ‘Connection’ published on www.hellinger.com, no longer available online.
2. Hellinger, The Help for the soul in daily life, August 2011, published on www.hellinger.com, no longer available online .
3. Hellinger (September 2011) Spiritual Family Constellations. Talk at the Second National Camp in Pichl, Austria, 27.06.2010., Monthly letters, published on www.hellinger.com, no longer available online.
4. Hellinger, B., Weber, G., Beaumont, H. (1998) Love’s Hidden Symmetry, page 241
Alemka Dauskardt, MA Psych is a facilitator & teacher of Hellinger’s Constellations. Alemka runs regular online experiential teaching modules in Constellations according to Hellinger. She is the principle organiser of the two international gatherings of constellators in Croatia for ISCA and a translator and publisher of Hellinger’s writings to Croatian language.
Alemka is also the founder of a non-profit Constellation Association, ‘Constellations According to Hellinger International’ which provides access to much of Hellinger’s writings and offers a list of registered practitioners of Hellinger’s constellations in the Balkan region. This listing has now been opened to everyone internationally who satisfy the conditions for listing. E-library with a big collection of Bert Hellinger’s writings is also available to subscribers on the association’s website – www.udrugakonstelacija.com
She moderates the Facebook group ‘Constellations According to Hellinger International Forum’ which promotes sharing of the insights and teachings of Bert Hellinger and facilitates a discussion about their application in constellation practice. The group has been growing fast and attracts new members daily, from all over the world.
alemka1@yahoo.com
www.konstelacija.hr
This article was first published in the International Journal for Systemic Constellations “The Knowing Field”.
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